I Hate Trophies

I hate the idea of people displaying useless objects whose only function is to say "Look how good I am - look what I did," to everyone, most of all themselves.
Hunting trophies, sports trophies, hell - even diplomas framed and displayed.
If you don't know your worth without narcissistic reminders, you may have a self-esteem problem. I don't want to be defined by a shelf full of platitudes.

Then I look at what's on my shelf, and I realise that my trophies are books.
Jesus - even DVDs.
"This is what has been pumped through my head."
"This is what resonates with my mind."
Fuck.
"This is me."
I don't leave behind books I don't like because I think I won't read them again (though I won't) or keep ones I like because I think I will (though I do). (Wow 9 I's in that sentence. Who's the narcissist?) I keep or discard books based on whether what was in them has become a part of me. Or if I just haven't gotten around to reading them yet.

I can be as smug as I want labelling myself as unlabellable, and yet all I have to do is look at the shelf above my desk to find an autobiographical summary that's both shorter and longer than most any book you'd care to name.

Is that profound? Tell me that's profound?

I'm fighting the urge to point out that last line is supposed to be ironic.
And losing.
I guess that one cuts too close.

And no, I'm not about to throw out my diplomas, my old awards or my books. Fuck off.
Go read a book.

When the chips are down

IMGP3196
Originally uploaded by Fush.

I like this photo.
It shows the futility of trying to see yourself from the outside. All you get is a distorted, blurry picture of what you might look like, and lose all perspective on what you are doing. Meanwhile, everyone else fades into the background and becomes unrecognisable.

Or maybe it just shows why you should hold the camera steady if you're not using a flash.

That's me on the right - I'm holding the camera. Then it's Craig, Aida, and I think a bit of Bec's foot. Around an improvised poker table.